The year was 1991 and the event was my husband’s high school 10 year class reunion. My husband introduced me to one of his classmates with whom he used to hang out “back in the day”. Her name – Jacqueline Fleming, (this was prior to her marriage) a.k.a “Jackie”.
Jackie and I connected immediately. When I changed jobs about a year after the reunion my husband and I ended up moving to the same town where Jackie was living and working as a professor at the local university as Dr. Fleming .
She loved music and during those times when she wasn’t going out on dates she would come over to our house where we’d sit around the piano and sing. My girl had no problems giving orders and often she would pick the songs and tell us what to sing. Sometimes she would make my husband get off the piano so she could play, sing, and just be a “star”. Jackie knew I didn’t like to cook so she would sometimes cook and share her meal with us. (Yep! A true friend!)
One of my favorite memories is of when I was pregnant with my first child. Someone had given me several bags of clothes and items for the baby. I had put off going through the bags (I’m still working on that procrastination thing) so they were just sitting on the floor in the baby’s room. Because Jackie was a person who had to have things in order it was probably driving her crazy to see those bags just sitting there. So, while I and my big belly sat in the rocking chair, she proceeded to take each item out one by one to be put away. She was just as excited as I was at the treasures we found in those bags.
Through the years we shared many good times and developed a true sisterhood relationship. My husband and I were there for Jackie’s wedding when she became Mrs.(Dr.) Jacqueline Hampton. Our children became friends who liked to hang out at each other’s homes. I was “Aunt Karla” to her son and she was “Aunt Jackie” to my sons.
Fast forward a few years from the time when we were sorting through bags of baby items to the day that Jackie shared with me that she felt like something was wrong in her body. She was an advocate for community health education and awareness so she was very conscientious about her own health. She went to her doctors and was diagnosed with breast cancer. They treated her with surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. Several months later we rejoiced and praised God when she was declared cancer-free. It was such a blessing to celebrate her 40th birthday with a big party about a year after her diagnosis.
All seemed to be going well for several years. Jackie was excelling in her career which included several high profile positions such as Meharry Medical College’s Director of Community Outreach for the Center for AIDS Health Disparities Research, and also HIV prevention capacity building assistance coordinator for Metropolitan Interdenominational Church Technical Assistance; a National Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, HIV Prevention Capacity Building Provider. She loved what she did and she was good at it. Jackie was a tenacious force in her field and determined to make a positive difference in the community.
Although the breast cancer was in remission, my sisterfriend was one of those who subsequently developed a rare second type of cancer which was thought to be related to the radiation treatment which she had received years earlier for the breast cancer.
Jackie met the challenges of fighting this disease with full force and with the same tenacity with which she did everything else. While I learned many things through the years because of my relationship with her, the last year or two of her life and how she approached it taught me so much more about TRULY living.
While I imagine there was some fear I never saw Jackie “shrink back” or try to ignore what was going on with her body. She was determined to do whatever she could to live so she could raise her son and be there for her family. Jackie continued to be the “boss” on her job. She remained faithful to serving her community. She was a beautiful woman inside and out and made sure she was “put-together” when she went out (even as she became more ill) . Even in the midst of pain, weakness, and medication-induced “brain fog”, Jackie maintained her quick wit and sense of humor. (And she still would give orders!)
One time I visited her in the hospital and in walks her hair stylist (who has a very busy salon). He had come to shampoo her hair and make sure her “do” was right. I’m smiling now just thinking about that. Even when it was difficult for her to get around, she managed to make it to her son’s ball games. She traveled out of town to witness her husband’s military promotion. Jackie still managed to go to church even though she was in pain. Sometimes I would go visit her to do what I could to make her comfortable and she would try to make sure the house was in order. (I’m thinking- “GIRL, You only have THREE dishes in the sink- you should see what MY house looks like and I’m not sick!”). I chuckle thinking about the time I was doing some natural treatments for her and she proceeds to tell me- “Now, these are my new good pajamas- I don’t want them messed up!” and “Don’t get that stuff on my couch – I’ll be smelling garlic and onions all day!” When my son graduated from high school she made sure to give him a gift even though she wasn’t able to come to the graduation. Jackie insisted on trying to pay me for doing stuff for her. That’s just how she was.
A few days before Jackie passed I was visiting her and wasn’t sure if she knew whether I was there or not. As she lay in the bed with her eyes closed I thought she was sleeping. I started singing a hymn that I knew she liked. When I finished I was surprised to hear her whisper, “Thank you.” A little while later her sister came back in the room and was preparing to put some moisturizer on Jackie’s lips. Jackie was very weak but her independent spirit was still there. Instead of letting her sister put the moisturizer on her lips, Jackie held her finger out as if to say, “I’ll do it MYSELF!” (So, of course her sister let her do it!)
Several days after my last visit with Jackie, she passed away at home surrounded by her family. This month of October, 2015 will mark four years since we lost Jackie and I think of her often. Yes, the tears still come and sometimes I’ll chuckle thinking of something Jackie did or said. Although I hate the fact that she is not here I learned some things from her about truly living even in the midst of challenges and adversity. Jackie was PRESENT until the very end. She was an active participant in life even when she was ill, weak, and had to learn to do things differently. Jackie continued to trust and love God. She loved herself and continued to do what she could for herself. Finally, she continued to love and serve others. Jackie’s was a life well lived and because she gave of herself her legacy lives on and our society is better because she was here!
What I want to share with you about truly living that I learned from my sisterfriend Jackie is this: Be PRESENT and make the most of the moments that you have; Love God and trust Him no matter what; Love yourself and be good to yourself; Love others and don’t be afraid to show it! Live, Laugh, and Love!
(Featured image is of my sisterfriend, Dr. Jacqueline Fleming-Hampton)